1. Cut your finger nails!
This is such a simple little thing, but it goes a long way. You will be hard pressed to find any area on her body more sensitive than her vagina (inside and out), and the LAST thing you want to do is completely ruin the mood with a scratch. How do you know if your nails are cut short enough? Touch your gums with the tips of your fingers, how do they feel? If you're not sure, cut them. (If you're having daily sex with your partner, you might be cutting your fingernails as often as every 2-3 days.) But believe me, it's THAT important.
2. Listen and pay attention (in bed) in order to know her body.
This topic is so important, it needs its own post, but for now I will summarize. You need to figure out how she wants to be touched, which is pretty difficult to do if you don't have 100% of your concentration on her. Does she prefer her clit stroked from the side? up and down? circles? Are you sure? You should be. No matter what you're doing or how you're touching her, you have two main ways of figuring it out: First you can always ask, "did that feel good, or is that better?" This works great as long as you don't over do it. When you ask, your tone should be confident, you know what you're doing, you're just fine tuning. The second way is watching for those subtle clues. The flush of her skin, the way her mouth opens, her breathing (moaning), her fingers and toes are all good indicators of whether you're doing something right. During foreplay, try touching her one way for 30 seconds, then another way and see if you can spot the difference. This takes practice to learn, but it's well worth it.
3. Don't focus too much on intercourse, and not enough on oral or fingering.
Most men don't realize that there are ways that you can please your partner with your fingers (will discuss in future posts) that you can't even come close to with your penis.
If your fingers aren't involved 4 out of 5 times you're engaging in sex, then chances are you're not leaving her fully satisfied.
As far as oral, I don't think it's a big secret, but many men still don't realize that there's a huge difference for a woman between vaginal and clitoral orgasms. (Especially clitoral orgasms given with your mouth). Some women find clitoral orgasms more intense, others say that vaginal is the big full body orgasm. I find it best to give her both and cover all my bases.
4. More Lubrication Please!
There is nothing worse for a woman than when a guy takes a dry finger and drags it over her clit. The pain is very intense. So just remember this:
When touching a woman don't be afraid of Over-Lubricating.
This is one of those times when more is definitely better. And no you don't have to run out and buy the latest K-Y Jelly, the age old porn technique does the trick every time. Saliva is a fantastic lubricant for most common vagina-related sexual activities. If you are going to be having Anal sex then I really don't recommend saliva, as that might be the last time she will agree to anal :P .
5. Extend the foreplay.
Most women are not constantly lubricated. Just like men need to get hard, women need to get wet in order to enjoy sex. And even though you can shorten this step by applying rule #4, you are doing yourself and your partner a great disservice because, simply put:
The more intense the foreplay, the more intense her orgasms.
6. Consistent Rhythm is the KEY to her Orgasm!
One of the biggest mistakes men make as they try to bring a woman closer to orgasm is constant varying of the firmness and speed of their touch (, lick, or thrust). When a woman tells you that she is getting closer, keep doing what you're doing!
Do NOT start going faster, or harder unless she specifically asks you to.
This is such a simple concept and yet so many men out there just don't get it. Women need a rhythm in order to cum, think of it as playing a tune on a musical instrument, you generally stick to the same rhythm the entire song. If you keep switching up her rhythm you will be unpleasantly surprised as you both become frustrated by her inability to reach orgasm.
7. Orgasm second!
You usually want to make your partner cum (at least once) before you do. Why? Because its fun :-). It gives you that feeling of power and control. It makes you feel great about yourself... Actually if you have to ask why, you're in the wrong place. This rules applies doubly to any of you that are struggling to last longer in bed. Imagine what a great stress reliever it is, if before you ever put your penis inside of her, you've already made her cum twice with your fingers and once with your mouth ;-) You might be so relaxed, you might not even realize that you've conquered your issue. (And if you do cum too soon, no biggie, this was just the icing on the cake for her).
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